Just A Few Suggestions

As the concept that the furry and feathered creatures with which these humans shared the planet with were cognizant, sentient beings increasingly pervaded human societal beliefs we noticed an increased amount of suggestions, coming from the feathered contingent in particular, regarding recipes and the "holidays". Here is an example of such an offering for your perusal.

Tom and Tomasita Turkey's Thanksgiving Day Menu

Appetizers: Heated Brie and Apples Slices with a selection of crackers
Pigs in a Blanket-mini nuggets of feta cheese, spinach and herbs rolled in filo dough
A selection of Chimay Ales from Belgium or Mulled Cider


Soup: Pumpkin Soup with Chili Can-Apple Relish or Butternut Squash Puree

Salad: A mix of baby greens with sliced tangerines, olives, yellow pear tomatoes,
and pinion nuts topped with a raspberry balsamic vinagrette

Entree: Fondue with bread, potatoes and vegetables for dipping
Stuffed Mushroom Caps
Creamed Onions
Candied Yams
Mashed potatoes
Whole Cranberry Sauce
Vegetarian stuffing

Cornbread to accompany the soup, salad and entree if so desired. Wine, ale, mulled cider as well as coffee, tea and water available throughout.

Dessert: Pumkin Pie
Baked Apples
Lemon Meringue Pie
Apple Pie
Ice Cream
Pudding


Tom and Tomasita Turkey ask nothing more than to be thankful to enjoy another day of eating cracked corn and enjoying each other's company while anticipating the beauty of watching another sunrise on Black Friday. Isn't that pretty much what we all want?

Your Money at Work-Scientific Study Backed With Federal Dollars

The following scientific paper detailing a federally funded study typifies the workings of the scientific community when dependant solely on grants and the vagaries of the political system. We offer it to you for perusal and reaction.
Euroswydd, Reiki Clown and Mort

Your Money at Work- A Scientific Study Backed with Federal Dollars

“You Can’t Teach an Old Dog New Tricks”… or Can You?

Abstract:

This two year study of a middle aged female humanoid proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that behavior can be modified and physical acuity sharpened even during “the declining years” as that time period is so descriptively labeled.
The subject of this analysis arrived at the testing site in March of 2004 and endured cohabitation with millions of medium sized mosquitoes with particular intensity being observed during the months of October through April. While unable to successfully capture her quarry in 2004 a marked improvement in her abilities was noted by the behaviorists during the 2005 season.

Introduction:

The objective of this study was to validate or negate the long standing hypothesis that “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. Deeming acquisition of this knowledge to be a priority the Federal Government appropriated several million dollars to close the book on this pressing issue once and for all.

The subject was a forty-seven year old female transplanted from the Northeast coast of the United States to the year round hot, humid climate that is the Florida Panhandle. Prevailing conclusions have pointed to the impossibility of such a woman being able to regain the lightning fast reflexes (associated with more youthful acuity) needed to protect herself and her family from the hoards of savage mosquitoes constantly seeking nourishment.

Reaching particularly intensity during the months of October through April they regularly invaded the woman’s domicile. A direct link between air condition usage and mosquito entry has been documented as a direct result of this study.

Within this laboratory we spent two years watching to see whether this middle-aged female humanoid’s reaction time, when trying to swat at the offending creatures, could increase.


Materials and Methods

Our materials encompass the housing shell, forty-seven year old female subject, insects, time and gallons of insect repellant.

Results

There was a marked increase in speed and acuity from the first year of inundation to the second. While our subject rarely hit her target, (the mosquito) in the first year of observation but by the same time in October 2005, she’d reached an average of nearly 100% annihilation per attempt. We conclude unequivocally that in spite of the stereotyping surrounding the slowing, stiffening and lowered physical stamina attributed to the aging process that given enough impetus a humanoid can reverse or at least stem the process to their own advantage.

A direct correlation was noted between the cool atmosphere as created by incessantly running air conditioners during the ‘summer’ months and their absence in the ‘winter’ months in relation to mosquito presence within the house. Mosquitoes like it warm and will get into the house when it’s warmer than air outside, no matter what measures are employed.

Discussion


We reached our conclusions based on the fact that unused to having to swat and connect with mosquitoes with any regularity in the first forty-five years of her life (she was after all forty-six the first year of the study) necessity brought about a rapid, development of the skills appropriate for survival in this alien environment. To quote our subject, “I never in my wildest imagination, would have considered the development of killer hands necessary to add to my arsenal of survival skills. These suckers-and I say that with conscious intent-are the bane of my existence. I’m so happy for the government that they now know that we aging humanoids can indeed adapt and learn. When can we expect to see any positive changes in political policy or programs based on this information?”

We are next considering a study clarifying sense of humor and irony.

Ego Caressing

Hi to everyone, Euroswydd here. I feel compelled to add my personal thoughts on the subject of ‘ego caressing’. This is actually my term as far as I know but it describes to a T the tactics employed by the mass marketers of the 21st century.
Reading diary entries of a forty-seven year old woman whose life had, for years, been confined by financial burdens-yes, they still used cash in those days, that remarkably primitive means of accessing the necessities of life-I couldn’t quite believe my eyes. Her description of the following blatant ploy perpetrated by her credit card company defied rational belief.
She writes and I quote:
“So what did my enterprising credit card company do…they rewarded me… I have been upgraded to Platinum status and will soon find a rectangle of freshly cut plastic in my mailbox. It will be a different color than the gold one I have now with the same account number and interest rate (so I wonder to myself… this is such a wonderful thing because?). I have been rewarded with this dubious honor because I am ‘one of their best customers’. You bet I am. After years of reliably relinquishing my limited funds in an attempt to keep going until I could pay them off I had achieved the unthinkable…a zero balance. No longer do I have to spend hundreds of dollars each month in the form of interest fees for the privilege of using their card to keep food on the table, clothes on our backs (and fronts) and an insured car on the road.
I’ve managed to get out from under and in addition to being granted a grey-they maintain platinum but it just looks grey to me-card I will now earn ‘points’ when I use it. Ostensibly with enough accumulation of points I can buy “free” merchandise at specified retailers. Depending on my spending proclivities and my desire to acquire enough points to get a $25.00 Home Depot Gift Card, a $50 Barnes and Noble Gift Card or a $100 Circuit City Gift Card -I picked from the list those that I would actually pick in real life- I am being encouraged to once again run up a credit card balance where I will be paying them much more in interest that I would receive from any points ‘rewards’ I might accrue.
These altruistic companies aren’t trying to create a situation where I will need to pay interest you say? That I can always simply pay off my previous month’s extravagances and avoid the morass of high percentage rates and still enjoy the perks of points acquisition?
Of course I can…but is anyone actually naïve enough to think that’s the scenario the credit card issuers are banking on?